Seeing green.

30 January

Today is my very first cupcake exam;

I’m feeling two distinct feelings.

The first feeling being; wanting to suffocate Mena Davids face into my cupcake batter today just before we start.
Then the other feeling, being the feeling, feeling number two; pure joy, because I get to bake!

Now how to balance the two different feelings?

Somehow I have got to bake my batch of cupcakes without ruining the batter because of Mena`s facial grease- which will really spoil and destroy the cupcakes.
Ah Mena Davids, just the thought of her name, brings flashes of violent heart wrenching memories of her and her precious Toddy Todd Todd!

I froze as I remembered.

I looked back at my reflection in the mirror, I paused my tooth brush from tickling the rest of my gums letting it rest in the luke warm tooth paste bath.

And just then, I saw something that I had not seen before; jealousy.

I have joined the “jealousy cult”.

“Hello My name is Tallulah Belle and I’m Jealous!”
“”””””Hi Tallulah””””””””
I am jealous of what I don’t have. Full stop.
And we all know who I can’t have and why. (She needs to be eliminated at once.)

When this new found revelation had finally kicked in and sunk, and stayed for a cup of tea and a bite to eat. I realised how my eye brows creased awkwardly; unnaturally, I noticed how my face seemed to look very rigid, almost stone like because of the fury I felt every time I thought about Mena Davids.

It looked like I had been born frowning.
(Hmm this isn’t a very good look for me, and definitely not good for my health, I might have a heart attack or brain seizure from all this stress.)

I’ve got to do something proactive.

Ok I will start off by verbalising out aloud in front of disfigured face a few personal Tallulah Belle mantras:
“You’re a girl” (I have got to remind myself that)
“You are, original” (unlike Mena)
“You are, confident (most of the time)
” You are, looking at yourself in the mirror” (that’s a true statement-honesty is the best policy)

My mom at this point ruined my encouraging self help session to mumble a few words something to do with, “late and the front gate”. (I don’t have time for her charades slash key word games)
I have finished tickling my pearly whites! all my teeth.

Traffic time!!!!

(Hmm, I wonder where the paper boy is this morning.)
Not like him to be M.I.A.
He must have over slept.
Traffic was traffic. What more can I say.

I drove zoning out as usual, this time I had my radio off.
With this new found silence,
My eyes stared into the distant although I knew I wasn’t truly focusing on what the car in front of me was doing, I let these feelings drive.

I felt as though I couldn’t breath, like time had frozen, and this empty feeling had suffocated me. I tried to walk away from it mentally, but I felt frozen, with no sense of direction.

I arrived at school, and tried to hide my thoughts in its secret places. I felt my hands stiffen against the steering wheel, as my heart beat furiously inside of my chest. Thoughts of seeing him today might unleash waves of salty tears. (This means puffy eyelids)

I have managed to avoid him the past few days. I would wait an extra half an hour before I made my way to my car, or like now, in the mornings, I park around the corner, so that there is no way of my car being close to his. Like I said, I am avoiding him.

A part of me secretly wishes to see him again, and hopes to bump into him, just to see him in person. Mere flashes of him in my mind just aren’t the same.

I hate parking so far away from the actual college, I hate being far from my beautiful turquoise blue college, but it propels me forward with force. As I get closer my nose ends up leading the way to the front doors, smells of sweetness!

As I stand in the foyer I breathe in calmness and exhale nervousness- time for my exam I thought to myself. Then I heard a screech – or some people would call it the “laughter” of Mena David’s. She was behind me, a few steps behind me I guessed judging by the penetrating sound of her nauseating laughter.

“You are Original, you are confident” “you are……(being interrupted by Mena)
“Hi Tallu!”
“It’s Tallulah “MEEE”!” (Trying to make her name sound half way there in mid sentence)
“PatAtoe Potaato” (How can someone be so stupid!?!)
“Its just potato” (I started walking forward trying not to glare at her beady little eyes)
“So Tallu you ready for out practical?”
“I am ready, but I’m sure you must be nervous seeing as though you never had time to meet and practice with me, your partner!”
“You seem a bit stressed! I had a crazy weekend, Toddy and I………
“Baked cupcakes together I suppose?” (I interrupted in the nick of time, I don’t want to hear any love stories, especially from her venomous mouth.)
“Well he bought me one, for our one week anniversary- so you see I was like so busy, so busy my head nearly spun off.”
“Pity it did spin off into the moon!” I muttered shamelessly under my breath.
(I have become the leader of the jealously cult)


“What about the moon?”
“Never mind, if you don’t mind Mena I’m trying to go over the cupcake recipe and design in my mind for our prac-Id love to stay and chat all day with you but time is ticking!
“I cant wait to see what you come up with” (She bounced away on her broom)
I can’t believe that I have to share a mark with that. That. That person.
(It wasn’t the nicest word I could say-but definitely an improvement- remember I’m trying not to be jealous.)

The practical went really well, I felt nervous in the beginning and completely disgusted in Mena, but as soon as the ingredients mixed together I was a lady of temporary forgiveness.
White vanilla sponge, with white icing ,glazed with shimmery sparkly edible dust.

Mena didn’t even try one, she said that she is on a diet, I think that she is confused about being a cupcake chef or being a model. Hmm either way I don’t care!
I was happy with the outcome! I was proud of my little creations!

I walked out of the college with a sense of empowerment, like I had conquered something, or like I had climbed to the top of a mountain then looked down and appreciated the view.

I held my little cupcake in my hand, mesmerised by its beautiful shimmer, I Tallulah Belle aka magpie, flew gracefully to my little car.

“And that?”
The voice broke my stride, I immediately recognised the voice, it was Todd.
I blushed; feeling my heart sinking like it had this morning in the car.
“My practical” I( spurted out acting nonchalant.)
“Wow it looks amazing, almost unreal!”
I blushed on behalf of my cupcake, he thinks that she is amazing- (Tallulah Catch a grip here, he is just being polite, play cool.)
“Well its something I do every day, they all end up having this special factor to them (ah no, what am I doing, that was too cool)
“Pretty confident are we?”
(Well if only you knew how I practiced saying my mantras in front of my bathroom mirror)
“You could say that, and original” ( Im reciting my mantras –ah no this is going no where)
“Definitely original! Do you have a spare one?”
“No this is my last one, everyone in class had one”
“Hmm, pity, was quite keen to taste it, sometimes appearances can be misleading”
(Hmm like your Mena)
Todd looked down as if disappointed.
“Here take it!” ( I had three anyway)
“No its ok, its your last one, and you made it, you keep it!”
“Don’t worry I ate like ten of them, I don’t mind lending her to you!”
“Her?”
“Well all of my creations are females”
“And what do you mean by lending!”
“You go figured that one out” (I cant believe I said that! What does that even mean? Am I flirting here or just being weird?)
I turned around feeling rather mortified. And the strangest thing happened; Henry started walking next to me.
“I`ll walk you to your car!”
“Shouldn’t you be waiting for Mena?”
“She left already!”
“Well if you insist, I parked round the corner!”
“Why did you park so far away?”
“Long story!”
“Hmmm” he said sounding puzzled.
“What?”
“I feel almost bad eating “her”.
“You will get over it, the sweetness of the icing will sweep away the guilt."
“Well when you put it that way!” he smiled, then took a bite, he was quiet while we walked to my car. I wonder if he didn’t like the cupcake.
Then he broke the silence.
“Wow Tallulah this is amazing, and for your first practical, Id say a definite A+”
“Thank you”. My mind went all gooey from the sincere compliment, his lips distracted me as it sparkled with the edible shimmer from the little cupcake.
I blushed.
We stood there for a second, just looking at each other, almost as though we knew something special was brewing between us, but not certain of what it could be
Todd`s phone rang:
“Hello, oh Hi Mena, no im leaving college now, I will chat later”

That’s off putting, cloud popping to say the least.

I scrambled for my keys in my bag, and opened my door. As I was about to get into my car Todd spoke:” You must stop hiding round these corners, it could get dangerous in places when you can’t see round the bend”.
I got in and closed the doors, and forced a smile. He waited till I drove off before he started walking back to his car.

How can something not be hidden that’s not ready to be seen?

I did something very “un cool” and hooted as I drove past him.

This un cool action caused a wave reaction from my dear Toddy.